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On Tuesday, Judge Merchan found Donald Trump in contempt of court and fined him $9,000 for violating a gag order. Trump should have reached into his wallet, taken the $9,000 in cash, and thrown it at the judge and said, “Here, he punches Stormy Daniels eight times.”
It's funny: a city that can't keep violent criminals in jail wants to lock up a president for speaking. Their priorities are more out of whack than a morning show hosted by people who hate each other.
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Meanwhile, Judge Merchan's daughter… a progressive politician, is submitting petitions invoking Trump's trial, raising millions for her clients. Among them: Adam Schiff, lead prosecutor in Trump's first impeachment trial, who is expected to use the money for a neck transplant. So Trump is not allowed to speak. How did he react? Is the gag order unique? Unconstitutional? Corrupt?
Former US President Donald Trump talks to his son Eric Trump during his criminal trial accused of falsifying business records to hide money paid to silence porn star Stormy Daniels in 2016. (REUTERS/Jane Rosenberg)
FORMER PRESIDENT TRUMP: This gag order is not only unique, but it is totally unconstitutional… We are in a corrupt system and I think people are understanding that.
And they are understanding it. Now, as anyone with a pulse knows (and it's not you, Joe Biden), trying to muzzle Trump is like trying to put a cork in Mount Vesuvius. It's not happening, because isn't it nice to have a president who doesn't need a teleprompter?
TRIUMPH: But isn't it nice to have a president who doesn't need a teleprompter? It's not that he can read it anyway, he can't read it. Now think if I read my teleprompter and say, “Well, let's say now, because of the weak economy, I'd like to apologize. Pause. Pause.” What was that? That is incredible. Pause!
And of course, every one of these false cases is nonsense.
TRIUMPH: Every one of these false cases is nonsense.
He said that. But for Donald Trump, this nonsense is gold. Because despite the legal charade, Trump cracks jokes and lives his best life. And Joe, while Trump mocks Joe for saying pause, Joe seems to be permanently stuck in a pause.
That is incredible. Now let's look at the people the judge hasn't silenced, like Stormy Daniel. Usually when he opens his mouth, it only affects five guys in a motel room with a video camera. But these days, Stormy isn't taking things easy.
He posted this on social media platform Wait, is she saying that strippers aren't usually honest? I know, and that Rum Shakers dancer was lying to me when she said it was just a bug bite.
Then, after being called a toilet, she tweeted that this made her the “best person to flush the orange shit.” I hope the health workers don't sue for defamation. Remember, she is an important witness for the prosecution. Isn't that hurting the case?
Usually when Stormy tries to abuse and humiliate someone, she gets $500 an hour. At least that's what she accused Doocy of. But she's probably still angry because Trump once called her “Horseface.” It's true that she was so angry after that tweet that she barely touched her bag of oatmeal. Man.
In the criminal trial of former President Donald Trump in upstate New York, the names of Michael Avenatti and Michael Cohen are often heard in the courtroom. (Getty Images)
Then there is Trump's sleazy former lawyer, Michael Cohen, who is now as popular on the left as Hamas. Calling this guy a liar is like calling Hitler a bit grumpy. Now, remember, this is the guy who actually advised Trump on how to structure the payments to Stormy, instead of his usual method of just leaving $40 on the dresser.
Now he blames Trump for the job he did, which is like a patient being prescribed the wrong medication and then being sued by the hospital. Cohen is disqualified from practicing law and is convicted of perjury, making him a liar by definition.
He had previously been criticizing Trump for clown show on TikTok to try to earn a few dollars.
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MICHAEL COHEN: When I was testifying before the House Oversight Committee, I turned around and said that Donald Trump has shown acts of generosity, but he is not a generous person.
Wow. This guy makes Michael Avenatti look like Clarence Darrow, whatever. So let's review: we have a convicted perjurer as the star witness, one who provided the advice on which the case is based; We have a former porn star who lost her own case against Trump so badly that she had to pay him legal fees and promised her grandchildren 10 years of free pony rides.
They are allowed to speak, but the defendant, a former president of the United States, cannot.
This case is as fixed as Jesse's hair. And you want fair? In fact, Gutfeld's research team obtained a picture of the jury. But these are rulings of Judge Merchán. This case is to the legal system what scurvy is to pirates.
And remember, there's another one just as bad waiting in the wings in Georgia and two more federal cases, which is actually pretty amazing because all of these cases made Trump a better version of Trump.
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His numbers are up, his acting is sharper, funnier and even more relaxed. And more and more Americans fondly remember his tenure as president. Who would have imagined that the courtroom would spark a Trump boom? He is practically leading in every swing state and nationally by 6 points without actually being able to campaign. Trials are spinach for Trump's Popeye.
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So what do Democrats do now? They have nothing to act on, and every time they use legal warfare, it backfires. No wonder they hired Steven Spielberg.
Biden is lost in the “twilight zone” and Trump, well, he's “Jaws.” They better bring a bigger boat.