Joseph Potenzano and Mary Elkind first met at a wedding in 1959, but it would be decades before they rekindled their short-lived romance (karaoke helped).
When Joseph John Potenzano, 93, and Mary Johanna Elkind, 84, announced their engagement in July, both of their families had questions. While a decision to wed at their age raised some eyebrows, a larger concern was how — and where — they had met.
“My daughters and my son, their first reaction was, ‘Oh, Mom, isn’t he related?’” Ms. Elkind said.
He wasn’t, but they understood why their family and close friends might have believed it to be so. The two met 64 years ago, in 1959, when Mr. Potenzano’s sister Josephine married Ms. Elkind’s cousin Larry Ruggiero in Paramus, N.J.
Ms. Elkind was the maid of honor, and Mr. Potenzano was best man. The two hit it off right away: He liked her style, and she thought he was cute. After the wedding, they met for a first date and then a second. But the relationship fizzled out before it could take flight.
“I was attracted to Mary, but the thing was, in my younger days I was trying to figure out who I was and what I wanted in life,” said Mr. Potenzano, who lives in Paramus. While he had long-term relationships over the years, he never married.
In 1962, when she married Mort Elkind, Mr. Potenzano was among the guests.
Few can recall a family gathering in the following decades at which both weren’t present. “We always sat next to each other at family functions,” said Ms. Elkind, who lives in Chestnut Ridge, N.Y.
At the time, they were also deep into their careers. Mr. Potenzano, a U.S. Army veteran who grew up in Manhattan, earned a bachelor’s degree in engineering from Fairleigh Dickinson University in Teaneck, N.J. He went on to work as a mechanical and aeronautical engineer for Picatinny Arsenal, a military research and manufacturing facility.
Ms. Elkind, a professional dancer who grew up in Everett, Mass., began performing at Radio City Music Hall after touring Europe with the American Festival Ballet, which is no longer active. By 1965, she had given up dancing to become a stay-at-home parent. She and Mr. Elkind had three children: Lori, Susan and Edward. Mr. Elkind died in 2014.
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In 2020, after Mr. Potenzano celebrated his 90th birthday, he began feeling lonely. “As I got older, my friends got older, too, and unfortunately many of them passed away,” he said. “The number of friends I had dwindled so much that I had nobody to see, nobody to talk to. I said to myself, this is getting boring.”
Life for Mr. Potenzano had become “a state of isolation,” he said. “When it lasted long enough, I thought of other people who were lonely. And guess who came to mind?” By 2022, he had convinced himself to ask Ms. Elkind for a date. That fall at a christening for a new great-great niece, he asked Ms. Elkind if she would like to have coffee or lunch sometime, just the two of them.
Ms. Elkind was surprised. But “I always used to say to myself, ‘I wish Joe would ask me out,’” she said. “So when he did, I was very happy.” That November, instead of coffee, they attended an Irish dance performance at the Mayo Performing Arts Center in Morristown, N.J., with two of Mr. Potenzano’s nieces. “It was wonderful,” Ms. Elkind said of the show. It was romantic too: He held her hand.
Over the next few months, they fell in love to a soundtrack of Frank Sinatra and Tony Bennett. “I’m at the age where my voice is like a foghorn,” Mr. Potenzano said. But karaoke at his house became a favorite activity. “We love to sing,” Ms. Elkind said. She doesn’t hear a foghorn when Mr. Potenzano picks up the mic: “He has a beautiful voice,” she said.
Mr. Potenzano proposed this summer while they were sitting on his sofa. “Do you think we should get married?” he said. Before that moment, she wasn’t sure. After Mr. Elkind had died, “if anyone asked if I thought I’d ever get married again, I said no,” she said. But “Joe’s a wonderful man.” She said yes.
On Oct. 15, Ms. Elkind and Mr. Potenzano were married at Our Lady of the Visitation Roman Catholic Church in Paramus by the Rev. Antonio L. da Silva, a Roman Catholic priest. Guests included 90 close-knit friends and family members. Ms. Elkind wore a floor length champagne-colored dress, and Mr. Potenzano donned a navy blue suit.
They honeymooned in Woodloch Pines, a resort in Hawley, Pa. Ms. Elkind spends most of her time in Paramus, but is keeping her condo in Chestnut Ridge. “We’ll use that as an escape,” she said. But not from each other. “We plan to enjoy the years we have left,” Mr. Potenzano said.
“I feel so blessed,” Ms. Elkind said.
“Ditto,” Mr. Potenzano added.