Signs and Side Effects of a Fragile Ego—and How to Deal With It

We all live with insecurities, and it’s normal to have them. However, what’s more important is how you feel about yourself despite having these self-identified flaws. Do you accept your flaws and strive to improve them? If you accept them and leave room for improvement, you likely have high self-confidence and self-esteem. But if you live your life making decisions that help you seek external validation, you may be living with a fragile ego. This can have a negative impact on every aspect of your life. You may be overly insecure or feel unstable within yourself, causing you to chase perfectionism to avoid the critical gaze of others. If you resonate with these signs, you should learn about fragile ego and how to combat it.

What is ego?

The Oxford dictionary defines ego as the (good) opinion a person may have of themselves. Our ego is our conscious mind, the part of our identity that we perceive as our identity. It can consist of our personal beliefs, thoughts, attitudes and values. Someone who is overly inflated with pride or full of themselves is said to have a large ego or a thin ego.

The difference between ego and fragile ego

To some extent, we all have an ego that serves to define our identity and set boundaries. It helps us maintain a sense of respect and self-worth. Depending on how strong your ego is, it will guide you in making decisions about how to respond in both your personal and professional life.

A weaker, unstable, insecure or defensive sense of self is called a fragile ego. People with a fragile ego tend to be defensive, have low self-esteem, make poor decisions and may be people pleasers. They need approval from others in many aspects of their lives. They may also be inconsistent and unable to solve problems, says psychologist and psychotherapist Priyanka Kapoor.

Because they do not have their own moral principles and purpose in life, they are generally not very happy or content. They are extremely receptive by nature. They also rely on other people emotionally. They even have weak boundaries, making it easy for others to take advantage of them. Because of their tendency to be indecisive and seek self-validation, they are also prone to enter into harmful partnerships. Despite this, they may project an inflated ego, which is just a superficial way of telling themselves that they are good enough. They are also often unforgiving, tend to hold grudges, and have difficulty adjusting.

People with these traits are also more susceptible to addiction, anxiety and depression. They may also be naturally short-tempered, the expert explains.

Read also: Low Self-Esteem: 4 Signs You Need to Work on Yourself

What causes a fragile ego?

Here are some reasons why a fragile ego exists:

1. Lack of love in childhood

If a person didn't receive love, compassion, approval or attention during their formative years, they may grow up with a weak sense of self, the expert says. Anyone who was marginalized or trivialized throughout their growing up years is likely to develop a weaker sense of self, also known as a fragile ego.

2. Victims of violence or trauma

Children who have experienced emotional abuse or neglect may also have a fragile ego. Certain incidents or bad phases of life leave a deep scar on us and make us weak. Anyone who has gone through dark chapters in life is likely to develop a weaker self-esteem.

3. Difficult childhood circumstances

Much of the credit for how our personality shapes us comes from our early childhood experiences. If a person’s childhood was difficult in any way, they will have a hard time developing a high sense of self-esteem or self-confidence later in life. People who have experienced difficult childhood circumstances — whether psychological, emotional, financial or physical — end up with a fragile ego, says the expert.

4. Difficulties

A fragile ego can also occur in people who are facing challenges in their lives, such as relationship problems, career problems, physical health problems, or other mental health issues. People who may have experienced severe grief, who have had difficulty building a promising career, who are in a difficult situation, or who are struggling with mental health disorders such as depression or anxiety tend to develop a fragile ego, which easily erodes their sense of self-worth.

Signs of a person with a fragile ego

You may be able to spot a fragile ego if you notice these signs in yourself or anyone around you. Some of the common signs of a fragile ego include:

1. Being in defensive mode

It's normal to go into defensive mode when someone insults you or challenges you in a way that feels disrespectful. However, people living with fragile egos tend to take even the most constructive criticism very personally. This can cause them to feel insulted or upset, and they may even overreact when they are criticized.

Read also: 7 Habits That Could Be Causing Your Low Self-Esteem

2. Striving for perfectionism

People with fragile egos lack self-confidence and tend to push themselves to achieve more, partly because criticism can trigger parts of them. They fear being judged or criticized, which drives them to do their best. They go the extra mile to accomplish tasks because they believe that if they fail, people will dislike them or criticize them.

3. Fear of failure

People with fragile egos do not take criticism well. They think that failure at something will ruin their good image in the eyes of others, forcing others to judge their abilities and worth. This is why they fear failure, as it makes them feel worthless.

4. Attention-seeking behavior

As mentioned earlier, some people develop a fragile ego due to bad childhood experiences where they were humiliated by their parents or loved ones. This causes them to crave attention in adulthood. They try their best to attract the attention of others by engaging in conversations or becoming part of events that they care about the least.

5. Indecision

People with fragile egos lack self-confidence and doubt their ability to make wise decisions, which leads to indecisiveness. They keep putting off making decisions even when the issue requires urgent attention. They double-check their decision with everyone else and hesitate before finally making a decision.

6. Negative internal dialogue

Lack of self-confidence is a major symptom of a fragile ego. As a result, such people view themselves negatively, highlighting what they cannot do instead of mentioning their strengths and talents.

How to overcome this or deal with fragile ego?

Living with a fragile ego can make a person feel like they have no self-confidence or self-trust. Fortunately, you can learn to overcome the inner insecurities that lead to a fragile ego and become a stronger, better person. Here are some tips to overcome a fragile ego:

1. Letting go

You need to get to the root cause of your fragile ego. Mostly, it is due to unresolved conflicts or bad emotions that you have experienced in the past. To develop a stronger sense of self, you need to learn to let go of all the bad things that have been a part of your life. Some chapters in life never give you a clear ending, you need to learn to say goodbye to everything that did not serve your highest good in order to move on in life. People with weak egos need to improve their self-esteem. They also need to learn to let go of their unresolved conflicts from the past and move on, the expert says.

2. Monitor your negative thoughts

You know exactly when a negative thought pops into your head. Become more aware and learn how your mind functions. The moment you catch yourself thinking negative thoughts, change your perspective to something positive each time until it becomes a habit. By addressing their negative thought patterns, they can learn to think more positively about others, themselves, and their circumstances, the expert suggests.

3. Work on your communication skills

People with fragile egos tend to hold back their emotions rather than expressing their true feelings for fear of being judged. Such people should work on their ability to communicate their true feelings and intentions to others. They should also focus on improving their ability to communicate with others and convey their feelings and expectations.

4. Ask for help when needed.

With the help of a mental health professional, you can get to the root of the real reason for your fragile ego. An expert, such as a psychotherapist, can help you better understand the functioning of your mind and help you deal with it in a more positive and logical way. Therapies such as cognitive behavioral therapy are also effective in this situation.

5. Become self-aware

Self-awareness will enable people to recognize their achievements, skills and abilities. They should set clear boundaries and focus on developing a sense of self-worth, respect and compassion, the expert says.

To learn more about their strengths, limitations and emotional needs, they can also undergo a personality assessment with a specialist. As a result, they will become more aware of their potential and values, which will allow them to lead a meaningful life, the expert adds.