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Should parents monitor their teenagers or trust them?

The use of GPS tracker apps to monitor teenage children is a controversial topic. Some argue that tracking apps can increase a sense of security by allowing parents to monitor their child's location in real time, while others are concerned that these apps violate the privacy of teenagers.

Tracking apps have been in the news recently, with young children Mike Tindall and Zara Phillips photographed with Apple Tag devices. However, parents are more likely to install tracking apps on older children's smartphones.

A 2023 report by Burnell and colleagues, published in Journal of Family Psychology It is estimated that more than 50% of families in the United States use digital location tracking (DLT) software on their teenage children's smartphones.

Popular tracking apps include Life360, Apple Find My, Qustodio, Google Family Link, and Verizon Smart Family. Most apps have two features that make location tracking easier: geofencing and location history. With geofencing, parents can create virtual geographic boundaries that trigger an alert when a device crosses them. For example, parents can geofence the family home and receive automatic alerts when their child leaves and returns. With location history, parents can view not only their child’s current location, but also their past locations for up to 30 days.

One of the main arguments for using trackers on teens’ phones is to ensure their safety. With concerns about kidnappings, accidents, and other emergencies on the rise, tracking apps can help locate children quickly. Some believe that a tracking app could be the difference between life and death if their teen goes missing or is in a dangerous situation.

The second argument is that tracking apps increase a sense of responsibility and accountability among teens. If teens know that their movements are being monitored, it may encourage them to make more responsible decisions and teach them responsibility. There is also hope that knowing that they are being monitored may deter teens from engaging in risky behavior, such as visiting unsafe places.

A third argument in favour of tracking apps is that parents can contact their teenagers in an emergency. This was raised when Health Minister Stephen Donnelly and Education Minister Norma Foley proposed banning smartphones in secondary schools.

Some of the concerns raised were understandable, such as a child with diabetes and a smartphone being used to alert him and his parents to his sugar levels. However, for others, it seemed to be about the growing need for helicopter parenting strategies so they can micromanage their teenager’s life.

The most likely reason why parents install a tracking app on their child's phone is for peace of mind.

Many people worry about the safety of their teenagers, especially when they are away from home. Tracking apps allow parents to check on their child's location without constant communication that might otherwise seem intrusive to the teenager.

On the other hand, however, parents worry that installing a tracking app on a teenager’s phone could violate their privacy and send a message of mistrust towards their child. If a teenager feels overly controlled or monitored, this could cause difficulties and strained family relationships. They view adolescence as a critical period for developing independence, and constant monitoring could undermine a teenager’s ability to develop a sense of personal space and autonomy. It is also possible that teenagers rely too much on these apps, which could hinder their development of independence and problem-solving skills. Additionally, tracking apps run the risk of being hacked, exposing teenagers to cyber threats if they are not properly protected.

Breach of trust

Can trackers undermine trust between parents and teens? If teens feel like they need to be constantly monitored, they are likely to perceive this interference as a sign of mistrust. When teens feel like they are not trusted, especially if they have given no reason to be suspicious, this can lead to resentment and the potential for rebellious behavior that would not otherwise occur. It can also inhibit open communication. Teens need to be trusted before they can trust others, and they may become more secretive in their actions when these suspicions arise.

As early adopters of technology, teens are likely to find workarounds for tracking apps. They can temporarily thwart location tracking by leaving the device somewhere they’re not, such as at home before going out for the night, or by turning off the device and claiming the battery is dead, says researcher Isabella Davis of the University of California’s Department of Psychiatry. They can also temporarily disable location sharing on their phone or app, delete it, or sign into another decoy device to share the wrong location.

During adolescence, children are learning to navigate the world independently, make decisions, and cope with consequences. I am concerned that constant monitoring may limit their ability to develop these important life skills. There is also a risk that the awareness of being constantly monitored will reduce their ability to take responsibility for their actions.

Can trackers undermine trust between parents and teens?
Can trackers undermine trust between parents and teens?

The use of GPS tracking apps is evidence of the overbearing parenting style that has emerged in recent years. I speak to many teenagers who report feeling overwhelmed by the lack of freedom their parents give them and, as a result, are unable to explore their interests and social life.

We need to be aware of the long-term consequences of normalizing the installation of tracking devices on people’s phones. I recently heard about a young woman in her early 20s whose boyfriend insisted on installing a tracking device on her phone. It’s a worrying sign of how this trend could develop over time if we are careless about the acceptance of surveillance.

I understand that using trackers on teens’ phones is controversial because the balance between security and freedom is an age-old parenting dilemma. The core issue is how much we value parental peace of mind versus a teen’s need for privacy, trust, and independence. Trusting a teen’s ability to make good decisions is a long-term strategy with long-term rewards. It may seem like a risky investment at the time, but the dividends are many and lasting.

Using a tracking app doesn’t have to be a black and white issue — there’s also a middle ground to consider. Let’s say parents decide to use tracking apps on their teenager’s phone. In this case, they need to have an open conversation with their child about the reasons for using the tracking app and establish mutual agreements about its use, which can help mitigate negative consequences.

Reaction to adversity

Adolescence is a time of experimentation, pushing boundaries, and inevitable mistakes. We learn far more from what goes wrong in our lives than from what goes right. While I understand every parent’s desire to shield their child from adversity, it’s not always helpful. A child’s resilience is measured by how they respond to adversity, not how well they avoid it.

While trackers can be useful for safety, it is important to balance their use with respect for the teen’s autonomy and privacy. Open communication between parents and teens is critical to setting boundaries and maintaining trust.

While we have become increasingly vigilant about our children's activities in their physical environments, we are, alarmingly, becoming less concerned about their online worlds.

We need to move away from screen time and think more about time spent productively. We don’t judge our kids’ nutrition by how much time they spend at the table — we judge it by what they eat. Their online activity is similar — it’s about content, not time.

The secretive nature of smartphone use leaves many parents unable to monitor their children's online activity.

Despite the agreement to periodically check phones and review search history, these methods are not foolproof. Perhaps a tracker on a teen’s phone that alerts parents when they access pornographic sites or inappropriate online videos could provide some opportunity to effectively regulate teens’ usage and keep them from engaging in risky online activity. But I have no doubt that even if these apps were available, they would also be open to manipulation and would not be 100% reliable.

In the absence of these technological tools, the best way to prepare a child to navigate the world is to instill in him a certain amount of common sense and help him make good decisions in life.

The work that needs to be done must be on a human level, not a technological one. Open conversations with the child to help them be reasonable and sensible are still the most effective strategy.

In my first book Cop onI wrote, “There's no app you can keep on your lap,” when discussing the need for parents to invest in relationships with their children rather than relying on technology to keep them safe, and that still rings true today.

Although our teenagers have long since passed the stage of growing up, they still need emotional support.

Instead of investing in GPS trackers to ensure our children are making safe decisions, perhaps it would be wiser to use our precious parenting time by having a series of conversations aimed at preparing them to make good decisions.

Dr. Coleman Noctor is a child psychotherapist.

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